Little Johnny was sitting one day on a dock. Along came a preacher
and sat down beside him. Little Johnny had a mason jar full of what
looked like water and he was turning it over and over, watching the bubbles
float through it. The Preacher asked, "What are you doing with that
water?" Little Johnny studied the contents of the jar for a moment,
then explained, "Preacher, this here is turpentine. It's the strongest
liquid in the world." The preacher replied, "Son, Holy water is
the strongest liquid in the world. Did you know if you rub a little Holy water
on a pregnant woman's belly, she will pass a baby boy?" Little
Johnny thought about this one for a minute, and then remarked, "Nope, this
here turpentine is still the strongest because if you rub it on a cat's ass, it
can pass a speeding car!"
The driver Fire
Authorities in California found a corpse in a burnt out section of forest while
assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a
full wet suit, complete with a dive tank, flippers, and face mask. A
post-mortem examination revealed that the person died not from burns, but from
massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification.
Investigators then set about determining how a fully-clad diver ended up in the
middle of a forest fire. It was revealed that, on the day of the fire, the person
went for a diving trip off the coast - some 20 miles away from the forest. The
firefighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, called in a
fleet of helicopters with very large buckets. The buckets were dropped into the
ocean for rapid filling, then flown to the forest fire and emptied. You guessed
it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next he
was doing a breaststroke in a fire bucket 300 feet in the air. Apparently, he
extinguished exactly 5'10" of the fire.
