Once-upon-a-time,
there was a very big fish, named Bob. Bob was the largest fish in the pond, but
he wanted to be even bigger. Day and night, he would obsess about it.
One
day, he was out catching flies for dinner. He managed to catch a really
humungus fly that was about the size of a golf ball. Before he could swallow it
though, the big fly begged and pleaded for his life. The Fly promised Bob a
magic wish if he would spare his life.
Bob
was a little suspicious at first. He was also very hesitant about giving up the
largest fly he had seen since the nuclear power plant had moved in. Bob thought
about it for a while, but the more he thought about, the more he wanted that
magic wish. He was hungry, but more than anything else on this planet, he
wanted to be huge.
Finally
he decided to take the magic wish. The fly looked at him and said "Name
your wish fish!".
"I
want to be huge, really, really huge. I want to be bigger than any fish that
ever lived." Bob said to the fly.
"That's
really stupid" the fly said to him.
Bob
looked at the fly and said "Hey asshole, are you gonna give me the wish or
not?"
"I
sure am." the fly said, and with that Bob started to grow. He grew and
grew and grew until he was so large that he couldn't fit in the pond anymore.
Bob flailed and gasped for water, but he was beached, and after a while he
died.
The
people fishing in their boats, the people standing on the banks of the pond,
and the people who had stopped their cars on the highway, all stared in awe and
wonder at this big stupid fish that was stuck on the side of the pond.
The
mayor called a town meeting to decide what to do with the big fish, but members
of a nearby cult came by later and claimed that the big fish had been promised
to them by God. After some negotiations, a large fish barbecue was arranged,
and everybody had a wonderful time, except Bob, who was of course eaten.
